If you have kept up with my column over the last few weeks, you have noticed that my columns aren’t very consistent. I’m trying to do better with having a column every week. I do best when I don’t have to think about what I’m writing, I just know how I feel about a topic and I write it down. Yes, it sounds dumb but I have found an awesome replacement for a thought provoking column and it’s been in my desk drawer for the last 3 years.
Years ago I was in Barnes & Noble browsing the books and I saw the sales rack. Two books caught my eye.
One of them were “300 Writing Propts” and the other was “Complete the Story.”
The “300 Writing Prompts” gives questions like “what takes too long”, “write a thank you letter to someone” and “what do you know is true.” You then have to answer those questions however way you want.
The “Complete the Story” book gives you a beginning of a story and cuts off just as it gets interesting. You then have to finish the story however you want.
This sounds like an awesome idea for a fun column. I’ve always wanted to do these exercises so why not publish them in the paper for the whole county to see. This will be fun.
The bold section will be the “Complete the Story” prompt that they give me and the rest is going whatever idiocy that comes to my brain as I write.
At first we thought the black liquid was oil, that we’d struck it rich and that we’d be able to retire and live in leisure. We actually started writing down all the ways we’d spend the money. Our first choice was to head to the casino but Jimmy wasn’t a gamblin’ man. Him and Martha got hitched 7 years ago and he’s been a changed man ever since.
Since Jimmy and I found the oil together, I assumed we needed to find some way to split the jackpot we had just unearthed.
We got a couple of five gallon buckets and started collecting the liquid gold as we talked about how we were going to spend the money.
Jimmy suggested we by mom a house. Lord knows she’s earned it having to put up with us for the last 29 years. I’m suprised she still has hair on her head, especially after the raccoon incident. I’ve never heard mama cuss so much in my life. Jimmy and I had a good laugh until mama whipped out the cooking spoon and went to swingin’.
“Mama’s been there for us all our life,” Jimmy said trying not to get oil on his good white t-shirt. “It’s the least we can do after daddy’s passing. She doesn’t have him here to boss around anymore. With the money we got coming in now, we could hire folks for her to order around.”
Jimmy and I have been stayin’ with mama the last few months. When Covid shut everything down, we moved in to keep mama company. We didn’t have a job to go to anymore so why not? We both felt like leavin’ mama all alone durin’ these tryin’ times woud be bad for her spirit. So we moved right in and she put us to work almost immediately.
We did simple stuff like go to the store for groceries and pick up mama’s medicine.
Then Jimmy decided the other night that it would be alright to go the bar. He ain’t no gamblin’ man but he likes a good night at the dive with his buddies. Who doesn’t?
Thing was, he ask if I wanted to go. Mama was already in bed so I figured, why not?
I gotta say, it was the best night I’d had since 2019. Things have been opening back up and me and Jimmy both got the vaccine for mama’s sake.
The night started off pretty normal with Darrell, our first cousin on my daddy’s side, orderin’ and round of drinks for the boys. We all acted like we hadn’t seen each other in a year...which might have been the case. Darrell brought mama some canned collard greens last April and boy were they good. The rest of the boys, I ain’t seen since late 2018. It was so good catchin’ up.
The night almost took a turn for the worse when uncle Ugene got bumped by that fella while trying to pick a song on the juebox. Turns out the guy had a few too many and was havin’ trouble standin’ up straight. He bought us all a round of drinks as a peace offerin’ and in turn we bought him a few too.
It was a good night to finally get back out and live life normal again. Hangin’ out with friends and family, singin’ and drinkin’...until.
Jimmy woke up feelin’ a little under the weather. I told him he wasn’t used to goin’ out on the town like we used to. It had been a year and it was gonna take some gettin’ used to.
Turns out this wasn’t a hangover.....Jimmy got the Covid. Since I was with him I had to quarantine too, so we sent mama to Aunt Julie’s house for two weeks. It’s been about a week and we’re fellin’ a little better but still haven’t got all our senses back.
“Here comes Martha with our lunch,” Jimmy said now completely covered in oil. “ I can’t wait to tell her we’re gonna be rich!”
“Hey boys...GOOD LORD! WHAT”S THAT SMELL!?!?” Martha said as she exited her minivan.
“Baby we struck gold! We’re never gonna have to work another day in our lives,” Jimmy said holding two five gallon buckets spilling over with oil.
Only that wasn’t oil. Turns out we hit the septic tank and we couldn’t smell it because of Covid...