It seems when January rolls around we look for new things to do and how to do things differently than last year. Did you know there are hints for ways to live longer?
Recently as I was perusing the Old Farmers Almanac site I stumbled upon some of they ways that were suggested from olden days. You can go to almanac.com if you want to learn many other tips and things. It is an interesting site. Now some of the ways to live longer I don’t understand, so here are my stabs at why these were said.
Don’t take ashes out of the fireplace or wood stove between Christmas and New Year’s Day. Uh oh, we have already disobeyed this one. We got one of those new iron things to hold up the wood and had to clean out Christmas Eve ashes to get it in the fire place.
Never place a broom on a bed. I don’t know why you shouldn’t do this, I guess if the broom is dirty with spider webs and spiders they would get into your clean sheets.
Close umbrellas before bringing them into a house. Yeah, so you can get soaking wet after you have worked so hard to stay dry under the umbrella.
Avoid sweeping after sundown. I obey this one every day. Who wants to sweep after sundown?
You mustn’t wash clothes on New Year Day. I’m not sure why, may have something to do with it means you will wash every day thereafter.
Don’t turn a chair on one leg. But it is so much easer to move if you pivot it up and turn it on one leg.
Keep cats off piano keys. I’m sure it is because they will leave their paw prints on the pristine white keys, but at home we had a cat named Joshua that liked to sleep on the top of the piano. He played the piano every night.
Don’t hang a dishcloth on a doorknob. Well it does keep you from opening the door properly I guess.
Sweeping under a sick person’s bed will kill him or her. Of course it will. Especially mine. The dust monsters will come out and gobble you both up.
Don’t ever, ever rock an empty rocking chair. I know. It is so much better to put yourself in it and rock yourself to sleep.
Don’t move into an unfinished house. My mama can testify to this one. When you do you spend the next 20 years finishing it.
Don’t hang your sweetheart’s picture upside-down. Really? You had to make a rule for this?
Keep cut flowers out of bedrooms overnight. Well I’ve disobeyed this one a lot. I love the smell of honeysuckle and privet at night.
Don’t ever carry a bouquet of wildflowers indoors before May 1. Well except for the years that honeysuckle bloom during April.
Never hold a stick in your mouth while sewing. This one is easy for me to obey because I don’t do any sewing.
Don’t walk around in one shoe. Unless you are going on a search and rescue mission for other said shoe and you don’t want to lose the one you found.
You mustn’t write on the back of a dish. I can tell this rule was made before church socials when everyone brought the same looking corning ware dish.
Be sure that someone else cooks your birthday dinner. Of course. Who wants to cook their own birthday supper?
If you hear a dog howl at night, reach under the bed and turn over a shoe. And use it to throw at him?
Don’t count stars. Even Abraham knew it was impossible to count stars and he saw so many more than we do because there were no electric lights to get in his way.
Never leave a grave open overnight. Of course everyone knows someone might accidentally fall into it and have a heart attack.
When sick, don’t look in mirrors. Of course not! It will make you feel sicker to see yourself looking like death warmed over.
If you transplant a cedar tree, you will die by the time it is big enough to shade a grave. Thankfully the one I transplanted is growing slowly.
Avoid stepping over a person who is lying down. Anyone with brothers or sisters know this can be disastrous, because they will surely try to trip you.
Don’t store your shoes above your head. Well this makes sense because they can fall off and clunk you in the head.
Never kill a locust. Huh? These people have never been around in May when the 13 year locusts come out.
Alright so there you go, these were originally published in the 1990 Old Farmer’s Almanac. But before I go, I must share one last tidbit because it just makes me laugh with its weirdness.
Whatever you do, don’t let a lizard count your teeth. Can lizards really count? Thankfully I don’t see many lizards around here.