There’s lots of reasons I don’t rob banks

Number one momma and daddy taught me not to steal, number two it’s against the law, number three I’m scared of prison and number four apparently I’m recognizable even with a mask on.

When I’m wearing a mask most people recognize me.

Maybe my wife summed it up best.

“Ole guy, grey hair, balding in the back, little over-weight, looks tired, talks way too much— officer it was David Helms!”

I resemble those remarks!

I saw a restaurant sign that read, “I never imagined I’d go inside a bank with a mask on and ask the teller for money. “

Here’s some more restaurant sign messages I thought I’d share.

“I need to practice more social distancing from the fridge.”

“Something witty and thought provoking. (That’s what my boss told me to write on our chalkboard.)

“Bacon is red, poems are hard, eat here!”

“Free straw with purchase of large drink.”

“90% of a successful relationship is figuring out where to eat.”

“Yeah, I’m into fitness. Fitness whole cupcake in my mouth.”

“My vaccine provider gives away cupcakes. Heck yeah, I’m getting that booster shot!”

“Open 24 hours. 10 lb. bag of ice $1.00. Add bacon for 39 cents.”

“Either you love bacon or you’re wrong.”

“Add a mini lizzard to a combo or basket for only $1.” (Uh, Vanna I think someone needs the letter B.)

“I prefer my kale with a silent K.”

“Eat here or we will both starve.”

“Pros and cons of making food—Pros: food, Cons: making.”

“The days of good grammar has went.”

“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my food. I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”

“Bring girl friend %% off; Bring wife 10% off; Bring Both Free Meal!”

“How’s y’all summer body looking? Mine looking like I have a great personality.”

“Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough!”

“Unattended children will be given coffee and taught to swear.”

“Pilates? I thought you were inviting me to pie and lattes!”

“I wish more people were fluent in silence.”

"Just remember, someone out there is quarantined with your ex!"

The best sign I saw was outside a Dairy Queen: “Scream until daddy stops the car!”

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