Computers and I have a mutual understanding. I hate computers and they hate me.

For the past month I keep getting this message when I Google something: "Our system is getting unusual traffic from your computer network."

Along with that message there's a box for me to click with another message: "I'm not a robot"

When I click that I'm not a robot I get a myriad of pictures where I'm supposed to click on pics that contain certain items, such as: the pictures with traffic lights, pictures with bridges, pictures with motorcycles, pictures of Nancy Pelosi's favorite ice creams, etc.

So now instead of Googling the weather I just look outside.

I've taken a lot of grief for years for my lack of phone and computer skills.

My daughter kept a picture of the first text I sent her. "Himadisonpleaseringnoturgentcannotfindspacebar"

And just when I thought I'd gotten the hang of texting she sent me a text: "Deddy, you don't have to end each text with 'over'".


I'm proud to say that my lack of phone and computer skills is shared by other good folks.

I read recently where someone said that as they were leaving their parents home their dad came out of the door waving for them to stop. They rolled down the window and the dad said, "Someone's leaving their phone." He handed them a Texas Instrument calculator." To their credit they simply smiled and said, "Thanks dad. Love you."

I saw this account from someone who was trying to help their mom solve a computer problem over the phone.

"Mom I'm not sure exactly what's going on. Sounds like your computer is frozen up. I'll just have to come over and take a look." On the way over to his mom's house the son's phone rang. It was his mom calling on FaceTime. She had a hair dryer pointed at the laptop. "Is it okay to put the dryer on hot or should I just use warm?"

Listen, I'm not ashamed to say that the only way I can take a selfie is to stand in front of the bathroom mirror.

Someone's grandmother called their granddaughter and said she was having computer problems. "It was working fine last night, but this morning everything is moving backwards," the grandmother related. The granddaughter went over to help solve the problem. Her grandma had the mouse upside down.

Sometimes it's just a child's duty to tell their parent that a little texting knowledge is a dangerous thing.

One daughter said, "Mom you've got to learn your emojis. Stop sending the cry laughing face when a friend's pet has died."

Remembering computer passwords is another pain in the butt. But I think maybe I've solved that problem. My new password is "incorrect."

Now every time I log in with the wrong password my computer tells me: "Your password is incorrect."

I've got to go. My calculator is ringing.

I'm not a robot.

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