South

Don’t believe everything you see. One of Dr. South’s nurses made this picture of a tiger in the clinic on her phone.

We have long known that “laughter is the best medicine.” Laughter relaxes us and raises our body’s endorphin levels, those inner ‘feel-good’ hormones whose job is to stave-off depression. Verbalizing with jokes and snappy observations about the things we fear also helps us feel a bit more in control in ridiculously uncontrollable circumstances. And, best of all, laughter actually strengthens our immune systems … a side-effect which we all really need right now.

I was looking the other day at the medical advice column which is a regular feature in the Tupelo Journal. This ‘Dear Dr. Roach’ (who appears to be singularly unhealthy himself and who always looks as if he hasn’t slept in a month) had commented at the end of his column that he was ‘not going to write anything about the Corona virus because the information being promulgated today would be out-dated or proven false before it appeared in the newspaper the following week.’ That couldn’t be truer apparently. As a physician, each morning of this plague time I wake up like a duck--- quacking in a new world. Initially everyone with the virus was being given hydroxycloroquine (a malaria and rheumatoid arthritis drug) and that treatment has now been debunked due to potential toxicity. Two weeks ago you couldn’t find toilet paper, and now we are asking “where’s the beef?”

In this rapidly changing world, some things we find hilarious today might be quite unfunny in a short while. So, let us gather some rosebuds of Corona virus humor while we may. Here goes a few wry observations that have crossed my path in recent days:

“Thanks to the Corona pandemic, gas is finally affordable, but there ain’t nowhere to go !”

“We all thought we’d have flying cars by 2020, but NOOOOOH, here we are learning how to wash our hands.”

“Recently there was this moment when I was worrying about the elderly and suddenly realized I AM the elderly.”

“Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam around the house all day looking for food. We get told ‘NO’ if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.”

“It is day 7 ‘sheltered in place’, and the dog is looking at me like, ‘See, now you know why I chew the furniture’.”

“This virus has done what no woman has ever been able to do … cancel all sporting events, shut down all the bars, and keep men at home.”

“Since we can’t eat out, now’s the perfect time to eat better, get fit, and stay healthy. But, hey, we’re quarantined! So, who are we trying to impress? We’ve got snacks and we’ve got sweatpants---I say we use them!”

“Do not call the police on suspicious people you may see in your neighborhood. Those are just your neighbors without their make-up and hair-extensions.”

“I never thought the comment ‘I wouldn’t touch him/her with a ten-foot pole’ would become a national policy, but here we are.”

“This virus must be wrecking India. I haven’t gotten a phone call in three days about my extended car warranty.”

“I got so bored one night that I called ‘Jake from State Farm’ just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.”

“If you think about it – doesn’t every disaster movie begin with the government ignoring the warnings of a scientist?”

“Once they come out with a Corona virus vaccine, I don’t want any of you anti-vaxxers getting one. Don’t be a hypocrite!”

“If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for 14 days of quarantine, you very likely should have seen a doctor long before Covid-19.”

“A friend in California who tried (unsuccessfully) to get Covid-19 test at the DPH was asked---‘Have you been to any countries experiencing an outbreak of Corona virus in the past two weeks?’ and he answered … ‘Yes, the USA’.”

“Prediction – there will be a minor Baby Boom in about 9 months and then one day in 2033, we shall see the rise of the Quaranteens!”

“Whoever made the rule that liquor stores were essential businesses and gyms, barbershops, and beauty shops were non-essential must be a bald-headed, fat alcoholic.”

“When this Corona Crap is over … which meeting do I need to go to first … Weight Watchers or AA?”

“2019: Stay away from all negative people. 2020: Stay away from all positive people.”

“The world has sure turned upside down. The old folks are sneaking out of the house and their kids are screaming at them to stay indoors!”

Let me sign off apologies to Dr. Seuss for this fun little poem I wrote recently for our readers. It was tough to find 20 rhyming words for everywhere!

Ode de Corona

Long before spring was in the air

We were told we should beware

Of a tiny little virus, once new and rare,

That now seems to be almost everywhere.

At first folks didn’t seem to care…

“That bug is in China, way over there!”

“No harm will come to us!” they’d swear.

But quickly we soon became aware

That Corona virus is a sho’nuff BEAR!

Though social distancing seems so unfair

This virus gone ‘VIRAL’ is easy to share—

From eyes, mouth, noses and even our hair;

Hugging and kissing should give you a scare.

Of sneezes and squeezes you must beware…

And masks and gloves we all now must wear…

Leaving them off is like being bare!

So now that you’ve got time to spare

Just sit down in your easy chair –

Sanitize those hands and send up a prayer,

‘Cause Jesus and germs are everywhere!

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